Return-Path: <nifl-povracelit@literacy.nifl.gov> Received: from literacy (localhost [127.0.0.1]) by literacy.nifl.gov (8.10.2/8.10.2) with SMTP id eAN1fA929094; Wed, 22 Nov 2000 20:41:11 -0500 (EST) Date: Wed, 22 Nov 2000 20:41:11 -0500 (EST) Message-Id: <20001122.203307.12030.2.GDEMETRION@juno.com> Errors-To: listowner@literacy.nifl.gov Reply-To: nifl-povracelit@literacy.nifl.gov Originator: nifl-povracelit@literacy.nifl.gov Sender: nifl-povracelit@literacy.nifl.gov Precedence: bulk From: "GEORGE E. DEMETRION" <gdemetrion@juno.com> To: Multiple recipients of list <nifl-povracelit@literacy.nifl.gov> Subject: [NIFL-POVRACELIT:291] Lesson on Domestic Abuse X-Listprocessor-Version: 6.0c -- ListProcessor by Anastasios Kotsikonas X-Mailer: Juno 1.49 Status: O Content-Length: 7166 Lines: 191 I draw on this lesson with an intermediate level group of adult literacy students. The essays are from adult literacy students that werre published in a book titled, Health between Friends, published by the READ/Write/Now Program in Springfield, MA. I added the questions. These materials are part of a broad array of instructional materials titled Life Application Curriculum Sourcebook, Vols 1 & 2. They can be found at: http://www.crec.org/atdn/teacher_resources/lvalifeapp.shtml I am posting this lesson in light of discussions with Anne Murr on adult reading theory. George Demetrion GDemetrion@juno.com Lesson Seven Domestic Abuse Essay One: Domestic Violence I asked him to leave. He began choking me with his hands. I struggled. I fought harder than I ever fought before. Life became important to me. At times I thought about suicide, but not this time. I didn't want to die by someone else's hands. He wrapped a telephone cord around my neck twice. The first time I got away. I must have broke away from him five times. My best girlfriend's daughter called me. Thank God she did ask me what was wrong. I told her he was trying to kill me. She called the cops from her phone. I passed out. I went into convulsions. You could see the handprints around my neck. I lost my voice. I couldn't swallow, but my main concern was my kids. I didn't want them to see me stretched out on the floor. I didn't tell my kids what happened. I didn't think they could see the bruises on my neck. I was scared and ashamed. I felt I invited it to happen. I thought it was my fault. I was scared to walk the streets. He was harassing me. He was stalking me. He called me on the phone and said things. I was scared to go to court. I didn't press charges. Questions 1. What questions or concerns does the essay raise for you? 2. Do you think this was the first time that this man physically abused this woman? What leads you to that conclusion? 3. Why do you think the writer felt that she invited the abuse to happen? 4. What would you say to her? 5. What would you say to any woman who felt that way? 6. Why do you think the woman did not press charges? 7. What were the circumstances that she might have been facing? 8. What options are there for women who find themselves in physically abusive relationships Essay Two: Domestic Abuse I have been with my girlfriend for a long time and we never hit each other. When we fight I go out in my garage and build something or fix something. She just goes to bed and we wait until we cool down. I don't know what I would do if I saw a man hit a woman. My first reaction would be to stop him and try to talk with him and tell him to get help and if I could do anything to help. Don't be afraid to ask. If I had a friend who hit a girl, I think I would ask him if he likes to be hit and give him a little fear and see if he likes it and tell him if he don't stop and get help I will call the cops. Questions 1. What do you think about the way this couple resolves their arguments? 2. What do you think about the approach he would take in counseling someone who is abusing a woman? 3. What does an abuser need to learn if he is going to refrain from physical abuse, no matter what? Where would this person find the resources to stop the abuse? 4. Would you call the police on a friend if he persisted in abusing his partner? Essay Three: Talking About Abuse Sometimes wives are afraid to tell about their situation that they are living because they think people will talk about their situation to their friends. That's why people do not talk about being abused by their husband. The kids will not be able to go out to play with the other kids. Some people are afraid to get involved when it is a family matter. Questions 1. What is the writer concerned about? 2. D you think she is right? 3. Why wouldn't neighbor's parents let their children play with children of a woman who was abused? 4. What would getting involved mean? Essay Four: Domestic Violence Women should never go through so much. Violence is something that hurts people. At one time I was abused and hurt by my husband. It wasn't easy for me because he hurt me physically, mentally and verbally abused me. At one time he hit me and I almost lost my child. I had to get out because it wasn't easy so I begged him to stop the abuse. He didn't listen so I divorced him. Since then I have never trusted another man. The man has to gain his trust towards me. I have been brutally hurt before and this is a message to women out there to take things one step at a time. If you're in a bad relationship, get out while you can or get help. Don't wait like I did, I waited six years before I realized what was going on. Questions 1. What are some immediate steps women can take when the violence gets very dangerous? 2. Why isn't it easy to change or get out of an abusive situation? 3. How difficult would it be for a woman to trust any man after being in an extended abusive situation? 4. What can she do? 5. What can the new person in her life do? Symptoms of Abuse-Threats, Power Misuse; and Control Using Emotional Abuse · Putting the other down · Making the other feel bad about themselves · Calling the other names · Playing mind games · Humiliating the other · Making the other feel guilty Using Privileges · Treating the other like a servant · Making all the big decisions · Acting like the master of the castle · Being the one who determines the roles Using Economic Abuse · Preventing the other from getting or keeping a job · Making the other ask for money · Giving the other an allowance · Taking the other's money · Not letting the other know about or have access to family income Using Coercion and Threats · Making or carrying out threats to do something to hurt the other · Threatening to leave the other, commit suicide, report the other to welfare · Making the other drop charges · Making the other do illegal things Using Intimidation · Making the other afraid by using looks, gestures, or actions · Smashing things · Abusing pets · Displaying weapons Using Children · Making the other feel guilty about the children · Using the children to relay messages · Using visitation to harass the other · Threatening to take the children away Using Isolation · Controlling what the other does, who they see and talk to, what's read and where they go · Limiting their outside involvement · Using jealousy to justify actions Minimizing, Denying, Blaming · Making light of the abuse and not taking the other's concerns about it seriously · Saying the abuse never happens · Shifting responsibility for abusive behavior · Saying the other caused it Questions 1. As you work through this chart on domestic abuse hat stands out for you? 2. Which symptoms are primarily emotional? 3. Which symptoms primarily effect the social standing of the victim? 4. Which symptoms are primarily physical? 5. What do you think are the relationships among them? 6. Which symptoms are the most dangerous? Why? 7. What help can both couples get to improve the relationship between them?
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