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From: "A. Schofield/S.Smythe" <andrewsc@interchange.ubc.ca>
To: Multiple recipients of list <nifl-womenlit@literacy.nifl.gov>
Subject: [NIFL-WOMENLIT:1033] Re: "Normal"
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Jenny before you go and before we all go back to the usual, just wanted to
say thanks to everyone for an excellent discussion, and to Jenny for your
ability to stimulate discussion is such a respectful but provoking way. It
will take me time to read through and reflect on the many threads and voices
in the messages, it strikes me that this has been one of the few list serve
discussions that has provided this kind of depth and trust. All the best,
Suzanne
----- Original Message -----
From: Jenny Horsman <jhorsman@idirect.com>
To: Multiple recipients of list <nifl-womenlit@literacy.nifl.gov>
Sent: Saturday, September 30, 2000 8:00 PM
Subject: [NIFL-WOMENLIT:1032] Re: "Normal"
> Like Sue, I shouldn't really be writing - my reason that I am trying to
get
> ready to go away for a few days and keep finding more work to finish up! -
> but I realized I do want to make one last (brief) comment about the whole
> concept of normal. Your interesting comments Andrea reminded me that I
> hadn't answered Daphne's question about the dangers of using the concept
of
> normal - I'll include her framing of the issue below.
>
> I did struggle a lot with the impact of using "normal" as I do - I worried
> that it could get taken up to suggest that violence is normal and so OK -
> but I continued to use it, even after conversations with other literacy
> workers about whether another term might be better, because I think it
draws
> attention to the problem with thinking violence happens to the other and
> with concepts of getting over trauma that suggest the person should "get
> back to normal." I want to question whether there is a normal (violence
> free) society to get back to. I wanted to open up talk about normal and
> what it might mean - and particularly to question the way it is so hard
not
> to frame those of us who have been through violence as the "other" the not
> "normal" - who then have to try to act normal. Tanya Lewis' wonderful
work
> ("Living Beside: Performing Normal After Incest Memories Return") helped
me
> to begin to see that the pressure to "act normal" becomes a major part of
> the problem. If people will not judge you, for instance when you space
out,
> then you can name that has happened, find out what you missed and even
learn
> about your own sensitivities from exploring what was happening when you
> spaced out (this could be especially important for students in a class who
> miss a crucial part of the lesson). But if you have to act "normal" then
> you will try to pretend you didn't space out - and put energy into
> disguising what is happening - not much chance then to become clearer
about
> your own experience or learn what you missed.
>
> I think too though the recognition there may be many things others take
for
> granted that have not been learned in an abusive childhood is another
> important point about what is normal. Clarissa Chandler talks about
having
> no concept of sleep or rest and having to learn that as an adult and
> suggests that similarly there may be many "everyday" things that need to
be
> learned as an adult. Opening up talk about that in non-judgmental ways
can
> create the space for that to be explored which can also be some very
> important "skills" and experiences for being able to learn.
>
> I encourage you to really notice how you and others use the word normal.
> Does that operate to preserve the status quo and to not reveal the extent
of
> violence or the problems with the way the world is? Does it create an
> "other" category - if so what effect does this have? etc. etc.
>
> I also just wanted to add to those earlier comments about using poetry
that
> I too have been using a huge range of poetry recently. With the women's
> group I led I created a regular and predictable structure of ending with a
> poem that I read to the group (and often they read as well). I chose it
> carefully (usually during the session) to try to name and contain the
> emotions and experiences that we had worked with during the session. A
> favourite of my group was a Lillian Allen poem called Hold on Sister that
> stresses women's strength and encourages us to "hold on" in spite of all
the
> problems we face. Women in the group I led always seemed to feel a little
> better and a little more ready to go out into the world after hearing and
> reading this.
>
> OK enough, time to stop!
> All the best,
> Jenny
>
>
> From: Daphne Greenberg <ALCDGG@langate.gsu.edu>
> 2. Jenny-in your book you discuss the importance of
> realizing that unfortunately violence is part of the normal everyday lives
> of our culture. I agree that this is important, that if we can stop
> thinking about abuse and violence as happening to the "other" and instead
> realize that it is happening to all of us, we will come a long way in
terms
> of taking away the stigma that many survivors feel, and we will, as a
> society take that first step towards maybe finally doing something about
it.
> I have one concern. Do you think that we need to be worried about it
> seeming too normal? If something is not seen as extraordinary, but
instead
> the ordinary, is there not the risk that society will then turn a deaf ear
> to the cries of help? For example, the media inundates us with crimes
every
> day to the degree, that for a lot of us, we have become desensitized to
the
> horror of it all and it takes "only" really gruesome crimes to get our
> attention. I would hate for this to happen with family violence. Do you
> think that this is a worthy !
> concern?
>
>
>
>
>
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