Rosalind,
Thank you for your posting. You raise a number of good questions and points.

1. This is my definition of abuse:
Abuse is when a person treats another person poorly, whether it is with words or with physical actions. When a person acts as if the other person does not have the same rights as others that is abuse. When a person makes another one feel badly-whether physically or emotionally, that is abuse. I wonder if others want to share their definitions. I am especially curious what definitions can and are used in adult literacy curricular that focus on family violence issues.

2. You are correct, different cultures do have different definitions of what is right and wrong. I am not sure what to do about cultural differences when it comes to issues like these. When the values are very different, I do try to understand, but I cannot always agree.

3. And yes, you are are absolutely correct. Many individuals who are being abused, do not realize it. Especially people who were abused most of their life. I think that you raise an important issue, that people who want to help, need to hear and understand. If someone does not realize that they are living in abuse, hearing someone tell them that they are living in abuse can make matters worse for that individual-especially in the beginning. This is another reason why we have to think twice before bringing this topic up in the classroom.

4. And you bring up another good point. Why do some people stay in abused relationships?  There are many reasons for this. Sometimes it is the safest thing for the person to do, sometimes there are no other resources, sometimes there are other obstacles. Every person needs to make their own decisions at their own pace and each person deserves the support of their friends and loved ones as they proceed down a very difficult path.

Daphne

>>> <RMurv at aol.com> 12/25/08 10:03 AM >>>

Hello 
 
I have been reading this discussion, and some thoughts came to  my 
 
mind as I have been reading the comments  and I have  comments and 
 
questions in this regards: My question is 1. How are you  defining 
 
abuse in the people whom you have encounter and taught? 
 
2. What perspective are you looking at the abuse?
 
My comments and thoughts are that 1. Even in this 21st century 
 
some people do not view as others do . As when Katherine wrote 
 
that she felt bad for mixing her students , unfortunately it  may have been 
 
a case of victimizing the victim in the community where she  lived or 
 
everyone new it was happening ,but feared to say anything  about it 
 
and feared the abuser.Or in the community it may not be  considered
 
abuse , she is just doing her womanly duties and accepting  what is 
 
happening . My comment : When and If the conversation come up 
 
you are being viewed by the victim as someone to fear ,  because 
 
you may  cause the situation to get worse or make the  victim aware
 
that what is happening is called abuse. Yes, I was a victim of  abuse 
 
and because I did not know or allow it to happen someone had  to show 
 
me and teach me what it was. When I say allow , by staying in  the 
relationship 
 
I did allow myself to be abused. 
 
 
Thanks 

Rosalind 
 
 
 
 
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