Daphne and all

In response to your definition of abuse, a couple of thoughts:

1.  Making someone feel badly  -- I'm thinking one would want to add the word "intentionally."  Sometimes we do things that make people feel badly because we point out things they've done that have been hurtful to us, or ask them to be more considerate or thoughtful.  I'd suggest that one definition would have to do with deliberately causing someone to feel badly in order to inflict emotional pain.

2. Another element that might be part of this is stalking.  Stalking includes actions that are more insidious than just following a person around; it can include things like recording telephone conversations, checking emails and web histories on someone's computer, using "redial" to check calls that have been made, or checking a cell phone's call logs.

People who are in abusive relationships need access to information about keeping their online and phone records private and  need to know how to clear histories on web searches (see, for example http://www.wrcsc.org/Warning.htm) to learn more.  As we've learned, stalking, tracking information and intimidating someone are all part of the power and control that abusers wish to exert on those they abuse.

Other thoughts?

janet



-----Original Message-----
From: diversity-bounces at nifl.gov on behalf of Daphne Greenberg
Sent: Thu 12/25/2008 9:14 PM
To: diversity at nifl.gov
Subject: [Diversity 312] Re: abusers in our classrooms
 
Rosalind,
Thank you for your posting. You raise a number of good questions and points.

1. This is my definition of abuse:
Abuse is when a person treats another person poorly, whether it is with words or with physical actions. When a person acts as if the other person does not have the same rights as others that is abuse. When a person makes another one feel badly-whether physically or emotionally, that is abuse. I wonder if others want to share their definitions. I am especially curious what definitions can and are used in adult literacy curricular that focus on family violence issues.

2. You are correct, different cultures do have different definitions of what is right and wrong. I am not sure what to do about cultural differences when it comes to issues like these. When the values are very different, I do try to understand, but I cannot always agree.

3. And yes, you are are absolutely correct. Many individuals who are being abused, do not realize it. Especially people who were abused most of their life. I think that you raise an important issue, that people who want to help, need to hear and understand. If someone does not realize that they are living in abuse, hearing someone tell them that they are living in abuse can make matters worse for that individual-especially in the beginning. This is another reason why we have to think twice before bringing this topic up in the classroom.

4. And you bring up another good point. Why do some people stay in abused relationships?  There are many reasons for this. Sometimes it is the safest thing for the person to do, sometimes there are no other resources, sometimes there are other obstacles. Every person needs to make their own decisions at their own pace and each person deserves the support of their friends and loved ones as they proceed down a very difficult path.

Daphne

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