Very interesting comment.  My thoughts tended to  her early upbringing, 
when  her father died when she was 7 years.  All of a sudden--nothing. 
I think there is some replay of that;  also, her husband does try to 
control all life around him--gets quite upset when he can't.  The topic 
is complex.  I  do support my friend when it is appropriate and when I 
can do it without damaging my relationships with both of them.

The healing is probably also on target.  The speaker filled in with 
comments on her religion, and some dissertation citations, before she 
got down to the meat of the topic.

Here's another from the same conference:  A man whose work I deeply 
respect--he is really at the top of his field--was accompanied by his 
girl friend.  She sat with him in the front row, sort of  physically 
flirting.  My opinion of his work dropped--just very poor judgment on 
his part to bring her along--inappropriate.

But--one truly fabulous  speaker, a therapist, older guy, his specialty 
is  the sanity of troubled youth.

Andrea.



On Nov 14, 2006, at 11:45 AM, Jones-Turner, Patricia wrote:


> I agree whole heartedly.  Nothing can create turmoil in a diverse

> setting when the facilitator has not worked through their issues.  I 

> see

> it more as an issue of healing vs. the inability to communicate

> effectively.

>

> As it relates to obtaining permission to purchase items, please be

> supportive of your friend she may be in an emotionally abusive

> relationship.

>

> -----Original Message-----

> From: povertyracewomen-bounces at nifl.gov

> [mailto:povertyracewomen-bounces at nifl.gov] On Behalf Of Andrea Wilder

> Sent: Monday, November 13, 2006 4:06 PM

> To: Women and Literacy Discussion List The Poverty Race

> Subject: [PovertyRaceWomen 18] Intro

>

>

> Hi Everybody--

>

> I'm new on this  list combo.

>

> My quite passionate interest is in using literacy to aid women in

> becoming self-sufficient.  We need to be able to be self-supporting, we

> need the skills that help this to happen.  In my experience, women who

> are not able to be self-supporting are undermined, and undermine

> themselves, in subtle and  not so subtle ways.  A few weekends ago I

> saw a  woman friend of mine  go to her husband with a clothes catalogue

> and ask him for permission to  buy some new outfits.  I have been on my

> own for a good  while, and I was shocked;  shows how far I have come.

> "Advice" is one thing, "permission" is another.

>

> I think we also have to do some work in speaking before a mixed group.

> I have returned home after a conference;  women spoke often, yes, but

> not in the full and hearty way I am used to in women's  groups.  And

> sometimes, they did become shrill and aggressive, a real fighting

> style, and it didn't work  at all, got everyone's backs up.  Public

> speaking  is behavior  that can be learned, and  it is extremely useful

> to be able to put  your ideas across in a public  meeting without

> alienating your audience.  This can be learned, I  do think twice

> before I speak, now.  I feel strongly that  speaking skills should be

> included  in adult literacy programs.

>

> Andrea

>

> ----------------------------------------------------

> National Institute for Literacy

> Poverty, Race, Women and Literacy mailing list 

> PovertyRaceWomen at nifl.gov

> To unsubscribe or change your subscription settings, please go to

> http://www.nifl.gov/mailman/listinfo/povertyracewomen

> ----------------------------------------------------

> National Institute for Literacy

> Poverty, Race, Women and Literacy mailing list

> PovertyRaceWomen at nifl.gov

> To unsubscribe or change your subscription settings, please go to 

> http://www.nifl.gov/mailman/listinfo/povertyracewomen

>